He says he doesn’t know what love is. He says he has never felt it. Only has been told that it’s something amazing and fantastic and wonderful… But he doubts he has ever experienced it.
This made me want to find the right way to explain it to him - or maybe just to myself - what LOVE is.
Because I’ve been there, it happened to me. I guess love is an instant thing. It’s either there or not. And it happens so quickly, you don’t even notice it.
When you meet with that special person the first time, you know nothing about each other. Nothing at all. And despite all the rationality something just happen. You want to spend hours with that person, you want to just listen to what he/she says - even if it would be a big pile of rubbish if it’d come out from somebody else’s mouth.
He/she makes you laugh like no others.
You can be the strongest, most confident person in the whole wide World, but you just can’t stop those shaky legs, don’t seem to be able to put one sensible sentence together - nor stop talking because you are too worried it will get awkward and weird.
At the end of the night of your first date you wish time would stop there and then at that perfect moment - when only the two of you exist in the Universe - would never end.
You’ve just said goodbye 5 minutes ago but you already feel like you have many new stories to tell him/her.
You can’t sleep because all you can think of how great you felt with that person and you are trying to figure how can it be so easy and smooth.
You get changed several times before the next date because you want to make sure you look your best and he/she just won’t be able to take his/her eyes off you.
And then all of a sudden this person becomes part of your every moment in the day.
You can’t focus at work, keep recalling those perfect nights together, call in sick because you want to stay in bed with him/her as long as possible, you are so proud of this person in your life that you want to introduce him/her to everyone from the local postman to you best friends and your family, and this is the person who is the reason why you cancel dinner with your best friend…
And then.. You realize that so much time gone past and that person is still there. And you became one very special and unique thing together that you never want to lose. Hopefully it lasts for a while.
But there are times when it comes to an end. And I don’t know why. I guess as us, humans constantly growing, developing, making changes and decisions in our lives as individuals; creates the chance to grow apart.
And it hurts. And seems like the end of the World has came. And you suffer. Can’t eat or sleep. Want to hate the one, think of every bad and negative you can just remember of but still can’t hate him/her.
This is love. Still. Even if it’s now making you suffer.
And then it starts again.
And you are putting your heart out there for someone else who might break it, but who cares when it’s feels soooo good to have that warm and fuzzy feeling inside for whatever long it lasts? :)
Tonight I am thinking about love. More specifically, love lost. Not even lost, really. Love not realized. Or at least not realized until it was too late.
I have a male friend, Kyle. Kyle emotionally exploded on me tonight. Told me that he’s sick of finishing last, he’s too nice a guy for that. And he was so infuriated that after all these years I hadn’t given him a chance.
This is what happens when you give the guy who doesn’t drink that often a few Buds and a shot of Fernet.
He spoke to me about how he was always there for me, always providing a shoulder to cry on or a bar tab to pick up. Anything I needed, because he was being a caring and good friend. Kyle talked about how he respected everything about me, especially my imperfections. He said my imperfections were what made me perfect for him.
“I even know you’re an alcoholic,” he said. “And I don’t care, you’re still perfect.”
You want to know why nice guys finish last? It’s because they aren’t willing to take a chance, they’re too tied to their rules. They see their girl at her most vulnerable moment, and instead of doing what they perceive as a dick move, they put their arms around her and they hold her. They listen to her weep and they don’t take control of the situation. She’s too precious to cut off. Let her weep.
Let me tell you this: nothing makes a broken woman feel more beautiful than to have a man swoop in and push her up against a wall to tell her how much better she is than that. To kiss her, I mean really kiss her, regardless of what she might think about that. You know why nice guys finish last? It’s because when a guy named Bayne leaves you for no good reason and you feel like you’ve been reduced to nothing, my nice guy won’t come over and say the things I really need to hear to understand that he loves me, I mean really loves me. Us ladies, we know we’re beautiful, we know we’re intelligent, we know we’re worth it and we’ll find “him” someday. What we really need to hear and more importantly feel (at that moment — from you, the nice guy)) is that we’re sexy, that our inner organs that separate us from you guys are actually worth something. That we’re so beautiful that you can’t and don’t care whether or not that kiss you’ve so desperately wanted to plant on us is going to ruin our friendship. We want you, the nice guy, to rebel against your rules and just do what feels right. Take control of the situation and tell us that this is fucking it, you are in love with me. You are so in love with me that you are so unbelievably ready to ruin our friendship for a chance at love. That you are willing to pick up that bat and attempt to hit the ball out of the fucking stadium. Because either you strike out or you hit a home run. No one wants to sit in the dugout. But you don’t. You sit in the dugout and you tell us that we’re pretty, and not fat. That we’re worth it. And that Bayne is just stupid and doesn’t know what he’s missing. You’re too nice. You’re too good of a friend. Be a man. Make the call. Try your best to force us to love you. Because in the end, you’re right. Nice guys do finish last. So how about you buck up and become something else. Because otherwise you’re going to lose us, you’re going to lose me.
Nice guys finish last because they’re pussies.
Found this. Don’t ask me who Bayne or Kyle is. I read weird blogs.
Me and Jacob took Shawn under our wing yesterday. We had a lot of fun. Jacob entered in the es game of skate, unfortunately didn’t beat the kid that looked like Woody. He said he wasn’t nervous, but later admitted it to me, it was cute. Marlboro 54’s, not a big fan. But, MML’s were out.
I. Need. To. Quit.
Went to the mall, fucked around.
Hm, I got a new earring for my upper ear, which i won’t be able to wear for quite some time. I can’t change my earring for 12 weeks from when i got it pierced. I’m a little ahead of myself, buying a new one in the 5th week. Haha.
Brought Jacob to my house for some love. I don’t get him for as long as i wish, but, I’m fine gettin’ my snuggle on for an hour or so.