“What’s worse is that one time when you happen to be at the same party as the two of them. The whole time you try to ignore them and look like you’re having the time of your life when you really want to sprint out the door and find a place to shed a few tears. Then the once time you risk a glance he’s looking at her in a way he once glanced at you but it’s even better than when he glanced at you because there is so much more care in the way he looks at her. Then you stop and think wow…why couldn’t that be me yet, at the same time you realize he cares for her so much more than he ever did and a feeling of inadequacy settles in.”—
in 2007 i fell in love with my english teacher, he was 6 years older than me and i was a silly girl of 16.
he made me want to go to class everyday, made me want to be the best student he’d ever had, ‘cause i wanted to be good enough for him… we became friends, and our favorite subject was me, he made me nervous and i could only talk about myself, about my problems, i never asked about his… ‘cause he was there for me, always giving me the best advices and making me choose the right path and do what i was supposed to do. then i started to come earlier to class and leave later.. first we started going out after class to get a cup of coffee, then we started to go out to eat, and then we started to go out to drink…
… and from that point my only subject was him.
they way he changed my life, the way he put my hair behind my ear, the way he was jealous of my best friend, the way he talked about his favorite movies and bands, the way he had to stop everything to have a cigarette break, the way he played guitar… the way i could only think of him.
he made me feel older, made me feel wanted, and we started dating. it was even better than i could ever imagined. i couldnt tell this to anyone, was unethical… i was underage, he was my teacher, but this never stopped us, we had a great - even though it was for a short time - love story. we even had our music, guess how much i love you.
it was so real, i was so happy .and then after nowhere he had to move back to england, and so he did, and i was devastated. for six months all i did was count the seconds to get on msn or skype to talk to him. and little by little the gaps between our conversations were longer and i started dating someone else, and caring about someone else… and then on the the beginning of 2009, while i was with my boyfriend he called me. i had butterflies all over again, he was standing right outside my door and wanted to see me. 2 days later i broke up with my boyfriend and got back with him, my english love. then we started fighting and i moved to another city to go to college. we exchanged emails and sometimes talked on the phone, but it wasn’t the same..
and i got a new boyfriend, with whom i was really happy, and 8 months later he went to the city i live and 2 days later i broke up with my other boyfriend. everytime i saw him i knew, he was the one for me. but a few days later he was gone again, and i was heartbroken. since 2007 i’m in love with him, since 2007 my life changed.
this monday i received the news he killed himself. he left me alone, with no one but my tears. i lost my love.
la mort c’est la mort. mais l’amour c’est l’amour. la mort c’est seulement la mort. mais l’amour c’est l’amour. - death is death. but love is love. death is only death. but love is love.